I will chalk this one up to “You live and you learn”.
The Cliff Notes version –
I was 10th place out of 140 runners at mile 70 when the paramedics strongly suggested that since I couldn't eat because I was so nauseous (Because I made a crucial drop bag mistake), and because my chest was hurting, I shouldn't run anymore. I bonked. Only 44% of the runners finished due to heat and difficult trails with lots of hidden rocks under leaf cover. I believe that my training and race plan was spot on. If I wouldn’t have missed a crucial drop bag I believe I would have finished in the top 10.
The long version –
Our trip down to Steelville, MO started out stressful. Trying to get the kids off to school, getting things organized for my parents at our house where they would be watching the kids, and getting my last minute stuff together for the race was just overwhelming. We ended up leaving about an hour and half late.
As Cortney drove I organized my drop bags. Putting the things in each one that I figured I’d need at each point throughout the race. I didn’t know it at the time of course, but I made a mistake here that would come back to cost me the race.
We arrived about 30 minutes late and missed the pre-race announcements, but I think we ended up getting everything we needed. After we were done checking in we headed to the nearest restaurant that served steak and I ate a salad, a very rare steak, and a baked potato with lots of sour cream. For desert I chugged some heavy whipping cream and ate some raspberries and blackberries with it as directed by Peter Defty at
Vespa. I could get used to this pre-race meal for sure!
We ended up getting to sleep around 10:00. NOT GOOD. So I ended up getting 4 hours of sleep the night before the race.
Race day started out VERY early. We had to get up at 2:00 AM to get to the Race headquarters/finish area so we could get on school buses that took all of the runners to the race start.
That was supposed to be a 2-hour drive. After a 6-hour drive from home to the race the day before, this was
not going to be easy. I got on the bus a little late and got a seat over the bus tire. Dang! It didn’t take long before my feet fell asleep. I had to untie my shoes in order to get the feeling back. Too bad I couldn’t fall asleep… But the bus did end up making a pit stop along the road so we could all get out and relieve ourselves if we needed to. I was glad, because I needed to for sure. If someone drove up on the caravan of buses and other vehicles with 100 runners standing along the road taking a leak, they might think they were in some surreal B movie scene. It was very amusing to say the least.
As we continued to the start I drank the rest of my heavy whipping cream and ate the rest of my berries. Luckily when we arrived at the start area, there were port potties. The berries and cream had worked through my system very quickly. If you ever need Ex-Lax and can’t find it, get some berries and heavy whipping cream.
At 6:00 AM we were off! The temp at the race start was very comfortable (53 deg), and the sun had just started to come up. I brought along a light, even though I was pretty sure I wouldn’t need it after about 10-15 minutes into the race.
I settled into a pace within the front 10-15 runners and felt very comfortable there. As the sun came up the humidity gradually increased along with the temp. I was sweating pretty heavily almost immediately. I did take a few wrong turns along with some of the other runners in the first 10-15 miles, but I was always near another runner so we always corrected each other. If it weren’t for the other runners I might still be lost out there.
I ended up running with Po Dog Vogler (Winner of the 2009 Arkansas Traveller 100 whom I’ve run with a few times before) for an hour or so between miles 8 and 18. We talked more than we ever had before. It was great to get to know him more. The first 20 or so miles was tough. It was technical and there were also many many trees down from the ice storm that passed through almost a year ago. It almost looked like a tornado had gone through the area. The sawyers had cleared the majority of the trees that blocked the trail, but there were still plenty of obstructions. I ended up turning my ankle really hard 2 times through this section. One time it rolled so hard I felt my leg just above my anklebone touch the ground. That hurt for an hour or so but then faded away.
After I left the Sutton Bluff campground (Mile 18) is when things started to get tough. The sun was shining very brightly and the temperatures were creeping up into the 70’s. Although there was a breeze every now and then, I was often in and out of the mountains so if I was in a spot with no breeze it was quite warm.
This is also where we moved into a section with more leaves covering the trail and hiding the large ankle busting rocks and tree roots underneath. I was constantly scanning the footing ahead of each step to try to make sure that I didn’t step on one of them. Throughout the day I did ok, and only fell once (As night fell it was a different story.)
But between the aid stations at mile 23 and 35, the heat became intense and was starting to take a toll on me. Pretty sure it was at least 80 degrees with full sun (The trees had all lost their leaves so there was not much shade at all). I slowed down and tried to make sure to take in enough electrolytes and calories to make sure I didn’t bonk. I took a minute at each river crossing to wash my face and arms off. They were caked with salt from sweat. There seemed to be at least 20 creek or river crossings. They were very refreshing each time. That was one of my favorite parts of the race. Even though my feet would get soaked they usually dried out very quickly. Being alone for most of the time I assumed in my own head that it was just me having trouble with the heat. But at Gunstock Hollow (Mile 35) I found out it wasn’t just me. I should have known since I only got passed once, but they said people were starting to drop like flies. I knew that nightfall was coming soon, and as soon as the sun goes down, I usually get my second wind and kick it back into high gear.
As I made my way from there to Brooks Creek (Mile 43.5), the sun was slowly but surely dropping behind the mountains and it was cooling off a bit. I was going to see my crew (wife Cortney and Aunt Peggy) for the first time all day and was pretty excited about that. But I still wasn’t feeling great. My stomach was still queasy and taking in any fluids at all had become difficult. Even though I had been drinking all day I hadn't peed all day. I ate some ginger a few miles before Brooks Creek and that did help a bit.
As I got close I could see a HUGE line of cars parked along this road in the forest. I had my headphones on but as I got closer and made my way down the side of the mountain I could hear the crews cheering and clanging cowbells, then I heard my wife scream out “woo hoo!!” I was happy to see them for sure. They explained to me that they had been lost for the last 2 hours trying to find the aid station and had just walked up when I came in. What perfect timing!
I grabbed my headlight and handheld lights, more Vespa, more water, more maltodextrin (Liquid calories), more electrolytes, and more fig newtons and was on my way. As I left Cortney said “We’ll see you in about 6 hours.” I thought to myself “Holy crap. That stinks, but ok. I think I’ll be good.” So off I went.
It was over the next 7.5 miles that I really started to kick it back into gear. I was able to eat, drink, and run very comfortably for the first time since late morning. The sun went down so it was very dark, I turned my iPod on and just started to get into a real good groove. Soon all I could see was a 20 foot radius in front of me from the light of my headlamp, making those rocks hiding under the leaves even more devious. My legs felt very fresh and I was starting to envision a great finish. Everything seemed right with the world. My attitude had turned the corner and it was all downhill from here on in (Mentally). I pulled into Highway DD and felt great. I grabbed a few things from the aid station to eat including more fig newtons and chicken noodle soup. I was out of there pretty quick and headed to the next stop where I thought I was going to see my crew or get more maltodextrin (for some reason).
So I take off and hit it pretty hard over this next 8 miles to the next aid station. Along this stretch I passed a few more people and one of them I stopped to ask if he was ok. He looked like he was pretty down. He said he was fine. I double checked. He confirmed and so I took off. Then, after I put my headphones back on I was startled to see him right there next to me. I moved aside thinking he was going to pass me. I took off my headphones and he said “No, if you don’t mind I’m going to stick with you until I get to Hazel Creek where I will meet up with my pacer. I’m just feeling down and would love some company.”
I said “Of course you can hang with me!” his name was Brad. Very nice young kid – about 25 – running his first 100 miler. We chatted and got to know each other. He told me that he was very thankful to me for sticking with him. I just said “No worries. I just happened to be here and if I can help in any way, then that’s great.”
We made our way into the Martin Road aid station at mile 59 and I was surprised to see no drop bags and no crew. This is where the entire race was lost for me. From around this point things get blurry. I had been pushing really hard and feeling great up until this point, but that’s because I was able to keep taking in fluids and calories. But now I saw that I had 9 more miles to go with no maltodextrin (other than gels at the aid station) because I didn’t know that I needed to have a drop bag back at Highway DD. I had missed an update to the drop bag/aid station list and didn’t put a drop bag with my much much needed maltodextrin because I didn’t know we could put a drop bag there. So then I compounded the mistake in my confusion by not grabbing about 5 more gels than I thought I would need too as I left.
You might think – 9 miles? You can’t just tough it out for nine more miles without that maltodextrin? Usually yes, but not on this course on this day. I was right on the edge all day with my nutrition, and one little deviation the wrong way (defecit) could really cost me. Covering the next nine miles was very difficult. Brad and I stuck together. He fell a few times, I fell a few times (Once really hard), and we got lost a few times. I was getting dizzy, feeling the cold sweats coming on, losing focus, and tripping more often now. It was about 10:00 PM and I was losing the upswing that I had started feeling a few hours before. But I kept pushing and thinking that it was just a little further. Just a little further. Then just a little further kept turning into another steep uphill, then a switchback, and then another long slow uphill. As I ate the few gels that I had I was feeling weaker and weaker as we inched towards Hazel Creek aid station at 69 miles. I told Brad that I was really hurting. He said he was having a hard time staying with me, and he was hurting too. It was just demoralizing to me. But we kept reassuring each other that we were almost there. I was happy for him to be able to meet up with his crew and pacer and hopefully finish strong. I was also looking forward to seeing my wife and aunt and getting a refill so I could get back in the groove. I was still focused on finishing strong at this point. I was still on pace for a 22 hour finish.
But when we finally made it to Hazel Creek I walked up to the aid station and wasn’t able to talk straight or focus on anything. I saw PoDog and said hey, then saw my wife and then things get really bad. She informed me that I was doing great and was in about 10th place at the time. As soon as I stopped running I hit a wall. I sat down and couldn’t stop shaking. She kept asking me what I needed and I couldn’t even talk because I felt so sick. Every time she asked if I wanted something it made me cringe and feel even worse. I think she was starting to get mad at me and feel offended, but I was seriously in bad shape. I don’t think she quite understood, because I do have a good poker face. My chest was hurting and I would cough with every deep breath I tried to take in too. The paramedics came over and started asking me questions and eventually told me to lie down on the ground where they would cover me up with blankets, fix up my scrapes, and run some tests on me.
As I lay there, one of the highlights of the race for me happened. An aid station worker came over and showed me his "
Peanut Butter Jelly Time" shirt at Cortney's request because she knows I love that song, and then to my shock and awe, lifted his shirt up and shook his belly right in my face while singing it. Hello!
They ended up hooking me up to oxygen and putting me in the ambulance for a while. This is where they strongly suggested that I was done. There was no coming back from this bonk. Hearing this from paramedics - I just accepted my fate as such. When it gets to that point, it’s certainly not worth it to “Push the limit”. This was very difficult for me to accept, b
ut at the same time, I was also able to accept it much easier than I had thought I would. This is where the life lesson part comes in.
It was difficult for me to accept because I had put lots of time in training, and my family has allowed me to be gone on Saturday mornings for long runs for the past few months, and has patiently listened to me strategize and fret over all of the details etc…. Although my mileage was not as much as I have put in for previous 100 milers, I found out during the race that it was actually spot on perfect. My legs were actually still very fresh and I wasn’t one bit sore. As a matter of fact my legs weren’t one bit sore the day after the race either. I think this is partly my training, and partly can attributed to the
Vespa that I used for the first time in this race. I am believer in that stuff for sure. I will use it in all of my races in the future. The fact that I was not sore at all really made me second guess accepting my fate during the race. Maybe I should have asked Brad if he had something to eat. After reading his blog I bet he did! He was very well prepared. Maybe if I would have just argued with the paramedics a little harder, I could have convinced them that I actually wasn’t an idiot, and that I could keep going. So physically – I was happy with my performance and my training. It couldn’t have been better.
On the other hand, it was easy for me to accept because I have learned quite a bit about myself, my faith, and my family over the past few years. I was able to put this run into perspective and understand that it wasn’t as important as some other things in my life. Specifically, God and my family. I am ashamed to say that I have not made them a priority and put them ahead of my training and running over the past few years. How does this happen?? How do I lose that focus?? The answer quite simply is pride and selfishness. I have allowed the burden of raising our girls (including one with special needs) to fall on my wife’s shoulders. Many times I was there, but not there. I was always thinking about my next training run, and hearing my girls, but not truly listening and interacting with them, and not being an influence in their lives. I have realized that this has to change. It has to be the other way around. I have to be there and listen to them and provide the support and guidance that they so desperately need right now as they move through their adolescent years. I also have to be there for my wife, to support her in everything that she does.
From making key decisions about what sports our kids will play, to providing encouragement and helping her train successfully for her first marathon, to providing input and guidance on how inclusion is going for our 8 year old with Down Syndrome, to potty training our 2 year old and trying to tame her terrible 2ness…. Kidding about that. It’s not tameable. I just want to be there more for them all. If I can focus on my training enough to be able to run 100 miles, I should also be able to be more of a presence in my kid’s lives. That and God should come first, and not my training.
As I got my things prepared for this race, I cleared my old music off my iPod and loaded it up with tons of Christian music. This is new for me, but my wife and oldest daughter listen to it and it has grown on me as my faith has grown as well. I went from Gangta Rap as inspiration to Christian Alternative Music. The night before the race my wife suggested we download a certain song. It’s called “Heaven is the Face” by Steven Curtis Chapman. It really really struck a cord with me.
On May 21, 2008, Contemporary Christian singer-songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman lost his five-year-old daughter Maria Sue Chunxi in a tragic accident. Her brother's Toyota Land Cruiser accidentally hit Maria when he was pulling into the driveway of their home, and she was pronounced dead upon arrival to the hospital. Beauty Will Rise was Chapman's first album since the tragedy and this first single released from the set eloquently addresses the topic of loss. In the face of all his grief, Chapman paints a picture of what Heaven must look like with Maria in it.
Chapman spoke about this song via his
video blog. He commented that "obviously heaven has become a much more real place and something I long for more now than ever before. I can't wait to see the face of my little girl that I long to see again. I'm saying to God, 'you know my heart, and I know that heaven is so much more than that, but right now Lord, this where my heart is.' So I'm just crying out to God with this song, and it's as honest and personal as I've ever been, I just poured out my heart."
This song really puts my new view on life into perspective, and if you too have kids, you will understand how it was easier for me to accept not finishing this race, and accepting a greater challenge of becoming closer with my kids and wife. Here’s a link to the
song, and here’s the lyrics. I will never take another maple syrup kiss for granted as long as I live….
Heaven is the face of a little girlWith dark brown eyesThat disappear when she smilesHeaven is the placeWhere she calls my nameSays, “daddy please come play with me for awhile”God, I know, it’s all of this and so much moreBut God, You know, that this is what I’m aching for God,You know, I just can’t see beyond the doorSo right now Heaven is the sound of her breathing deepLying on my chest, falling fast asleep while I singAnd Heaven is the weight of her in my armsBeing there to keep her safe from harm while she dreamsAnd God, I know, it’s all of this and so much moreBut God, You know, that this is what I’m longing for God,You know, I just can’t see beyond the doorBut in my mind’s eye I can see a placeWhere Your glory fills every empty spaceAll the cancer is goneEvery mouth is fedAnd there’s no one left in the orphans’ bedEvery lonely heart finds their one true loveAnd there’s no more goodbyeAnd no more not enoughAnd there’s no more enemy (no more)Heaven is a sweet, maple syrup kissAnd a thousand other little things I miss with her goneHeaven is the place where she takes my handAnd leads me to YouAnd we both run into Your armsOh God, I know, it’s so much more than I can dreamIt’s far beyond anything I can conceiveSo God, You know, I’m trusting You until I see Heaven in the face of my little girlIf there’s anything that you get from this, please let it be to keep your priorities in order as you move through life. Keep things in perspective, and keep things in focus. It’s easy to get sidetracked.
This certainly will not be my last attempt at 100 miles. Especially because I believe that my training and race plan was spot on. If I wouldn’t have missed that drop bag I believe I would have finished in the top 10. So even though I told my wife I wouldn’t even think about running until after the holidays, yesterday I was already looking at the Ultra Running Event Calendar looking for the next 100 miler where I could try to avenge this race. I believe I will be stronger and will have more of a life balance than I ever have, thanks to this mistake/failure. I have to view this as a life lesson. I'm going to move forward and go out there next time with a renewed confidence. I will be back for OT100 next year, if there is a next year for OT100.
As for now, I’m going to enjoy my family through the holidays and keep them #1. I’m looking forward to helping our oldest daughter inprove her basketball skills, hanging out with the two little girls, finishing up my wife’s hair salon in the basement, finally getting some decorating done that we never have had time to do at the new house, and getting the Christmas decorations up. The urge for getting that done seems to be much earlier this year than ever before.
As far as my daughter's track team that I helped coach this year, the girl's team won the state meet and my daughter (6th grade) placed 6th in the mile, 11th in the 800m, 7th in the 4 x 800m, and 6th in the 4 x 400m out of all 5th-8th graders from throughout the state. 
The following weekend (last weekend) she won the 5k race that I helped to organize at our church. She placed 4th overall and first female out of 132 runners of all ages. 
